My nipple is on Facebook.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
