Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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