Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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