I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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