Plan B is the new Plan A
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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