I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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