Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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