I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize