I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
