I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
