So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
