I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
