Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
