Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
