I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I see more hoeing in ur future
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
