They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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