thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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