You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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