I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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