I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
