Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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