I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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