walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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