I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
