I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
