were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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