What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
