Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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