come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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