The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
