Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Randomize
