she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have post one night stand depression
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