we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
