Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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