Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
