If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
