Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
