Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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