omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
