I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize