I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cockslap morals
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
