worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
