I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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