my vag is so smooth its legendary
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
