No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
