OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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