Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
