I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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