Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
