yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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