I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't deserve a penis
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
