how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
