: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
