I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is my gift to your gina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
