my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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