i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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