I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
