R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize