then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Panties = found
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
