That's intense
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
