The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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