1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
