She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You smell like stripper and shame
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
