I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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