I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize