Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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