i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
