I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
