Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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