I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
