Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
