I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
