i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
