so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
