Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
