well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
