4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
