What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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