ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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