Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
