question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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