Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Randomize
