Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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