omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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