Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
