I didn't shave. On purpose
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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