I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
