I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
