I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
