i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
