i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
