my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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