It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
