He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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