she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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