The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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