I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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