I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
