I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
