kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
