Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
