1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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