he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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