I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
