Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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